Helping Kids Through Big Emotions - A Love Letter to Caregivers

As a speech pathologist and pediatric feeding specialist, understanding and supporting emotional regulation is a core part of my work. Young children have big feelings housed in small bodies, and their developing language skills often aren’t enough to express what’s happening internally. The result? Big reactions that are often the only communication tools available to them in the moment.

Tantrums, outbursts, and tears over something as small as the “wrong” cup can feel outsized and exhausting for caregivers. But these moments are rarely just “bad behavior.” More often, they are a child’s way of communicating that something feels overwhelming or too difficult to manage. As speech pathologists and feeding specialists, we see emotions show up through body movements, behaviors, and eating patterns long before children can explain them with words.

Emotions are Communication

As a child’s language skills develop, it’s important to remember that behavior is a form of communication. When children don’t yet have the words—or the regulation skills—to express themselves, emotions tend to spill out through actions. Supporting language development can significantly reduce tantrums, shutdowns, aggression, and refusals.

Giving children words for their experiences helps them communicate more efficiently. This might look like modeling simple words or phrases (“mad,” “all done,” “too hard”), using signs, or accepting word approximations. When adults consistently label emotions and model calm language, children gradually learn that words are powerful tools for getting their needs met.

Feeding and Emotional Regulation

For children in feeding therapy, fear around food is very real. New textures, tastes, or expectations can quickly trigger a fight-or-flight response. When this happens, the brain shifts into survival mode—energy moves to the amygdala and away from the language centers and prefrontal cortex, where reasoning, flexibility, and communication live.

In these moments, a child is not being stubborn or defiant; their nervous system is overwhelmed. Our role as caregivers and providers is to help children move out of fear-based responses so higher-level thinking and communication can come back online. This requires patience, modeling, and emotional neutrality from the adults in the room. Children borrow regulation from us before they can do it independently.

What Caregivers Can Do

There are several practical ways caregivers can support emotional regulation and communication at home:

• Model words and behaviors. Keep language simple and direct. Rather than explaining or correcting, model what you want your child to say or do.

• Allow space for regulation. Sometimes children need presence without directives. Sitting nearby, staying calm, and allowing time can be powerful.

• Reduce pressure. Whether around eating or communication, pressure increases anxiety. Children are highly attuned to adult emotions and often feel an unspoken need to please.

• Offer choices. Choices provide a sense of control in a world where children have very little. This can reduce emotional intensity and support cooperation.

When Additional Support Helps

Speech pathologists are uniquely trained to support children and families with:

• Emotional language development

• Sensory regulation

• Mealtime communication

• Coping strategies tailored to a child’s developmental and individual needs

  
  

Although it can feel like the tears and frustration may never end, there is real hope in growth and development. With the right support, children can learn the skills they need to communicate, regulate, and thrive.

To learn more about how our team supports communication, feeding, and emotional regulation, contact us at Info@sasskc.com or fill out a contact form to schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation.